The Band Constitution
by Kanashimi
Summary: Inspired by a bad experience in band class and the fact that we're taking US History; here is a Constitution for all the band students out there! Please r/r! :)


Band Constitution

Co-written by Kanashimi and Littleowl

**Preamble:**

We the people of all high school bands do solemnly declare that no band director or fellow band student shall take away our rights naturally ensured to us upon admission into a band class – any level, any age. Any infringement upon our natural band rights shall result in automatic anger and possibly flying UFOs towards that person. If continued infringement occurs, then the forced dropping of band class shall occur. Attendance, participation, and chair position are not bases of infringement. 

**Band Amendments: **

_Amendment I: The piccolo has the right to play as loud as she/he wants, so long as it does not endanger anyone's life._

_Amendment II: Oboes shall not be moved to second row, no matter how many, how loud, how out-of-tune. _

_Amendment III: Never (perhaps with one or two exceptions) shall a trumpet have the right to blast._

_Amendment IV: A piccolo/flute has the right to defend her/his self through their readily available high notes. _

_Amendment V: Oboes shall not be reprimanded because of their out-of-tune-ness. _

_Amendment VI: Despite limited attendance, the player shall not be demoted from her/his rank._

_Amendment VII: The band as a whole shall not play without dynamics. Ever. _

_Amendment VIII: No matter the type of music—classical, contemporary, or jazz—saxophones shall not play any note above an E in the upper part of the staff.  (They're too squeaky up that high.)_

_Amendment IX: Second chair clarinets shall do their best to be heard. They shall NOT be allowed to be mere shadows of the first chairs._

_Amendment X: Being a part of the school play and having a rehearsal is not a good enough reason to miss the Christmas band concert._

_Amendment XI: Quitting band is not an option._

_Amendment XII: Band dorks do not have the right to ignore the fact that people are walking through the door.  And they shall NOT think of themselves as more privileged members of the band._

_Amendment XIII: People of the band MUST keep the instrument room CLEAN. An innocent oboe player shall not be reprimanded if she/he happens to step onto something large, yet breakable, if it is on the middle of the floor._

_Amendment XIV: Band directors shall let band members know ahead of rehearsal what music they are playing, so if one happens to play two instruments, she/he will know which, or both, instrument(s) to put together._

_Amendment XV: Trumpets shall not let fly spittle at random people or instruments._

_Amendment XVI: All members of the band (namely first row people) shall be aware at all times of the conductor's movements.  You never know when she/he may randomly twitch and the baton comes flying towards you._

_Amendment XVII: Disneyland is definitely a good reason to miss League Finals for any sport you play._

_Amendment XVIII: All band members shall be aware of how fragile the reeds of double-reed instruments are (and how expensive!). _

_Amendment XIX: Low woodwinds shall realize their instruments make very good weapons. _

_Amendment XX: Band members should recognize that each and every instrument has a unique sound. An English Horn is NOT an Alto Saxophone._

_Amendment XXI: A band, no matter the size, shall not have more than one piccolo if you wish to have people alive at the end of class._

_Amendment XXII: No one in the band shall complain about how long it takes oboes to tune. We are perfect, therefore we must sound perfect. _

_Amendment XXIII: Never EVER call a piccolo a pickle! (Kanashimi's note: pickle! Hahaha… ow! O_o;; j/k!) _

_Amendment XXIV: Every band member who keeps time by tapping foot must first learn to tap foot IN time to the song. _

_Amendment XXV: Trumpets shall find buckets for their spittle. _

_Amendment XXVI: French Horns shall play out at all times.  (Ever notice how even four French Horns only sound like one?)_

_Amendment XXVII: All band directors must respect their students. _


End file.
